Endless Bickering Getting Your Relationship Down?

Hi there,

Full disclosure, my husband and I have been bickering like CRAZY lately. Is it just us? Don’t get me wrong, we fight and bicker but it has been unusually often recently. It’s been bugging me and affecting my mood. I asked my husband and he completely agreed. It’s almost as if any small disagreement or agitation triggers us to start something.

When moments like these affect my marriage, I can’t help but giggle (to myself of course) because I know these are topics I talk about with my couples or families on numerous occasions. And just like any other couple’s session, we process and find a solution, if needed. So, I laugh because my mind automatically goes into therapist mode. I know when I get home, I will need to go over these few helpful counseling tools. In the meantime, if you and your partner are experiencing recurring bickers and are just tired of it, below are a few ideas:

Take a time out

Walking away from a conflict does not have to feel threatening. It is a healthy tool. It Is beneficial to walk away to clear your mind and process why you are feeling so defensive. BUT I always suggest implementing a self-soothing technique during the time out moment. We need to soothe ourselves to a place of peace and relaxation before going back to our partner.

The Goal Should be to Understand. Not change their mind.

That’s an eye opener, isn’t it? We enter a conflict with the goal of trying to change the person’s mind. However, that’s where a lot of people go wrong. We should enter the conversation with the goal of understanding our partner’s perspective. Not change it. Your partner is not the enemy. The recurring cycle on how we handle the bickering (or fights) is the enemy.

Reflection

Even writing this post, I recognize my household has been under a great amount of stress. Maybe that’s the cause of our marital conflict? If so, how can we work on this? That’s a great question for ourselves and our partners. What do we need right now? If my partner were to ask me that right now, my first thought would be to have someone one-on-one alone time. I can’t tell you the last time he and I went out on a date. It doesn’t have to be as complex as going out on a date. It could be simpler for you and your partner.

Hopefully these counseling tools are helpful for you and your partner.

Stay safe,

Coral